Of Wash Stands and Entry-ways

We speak a lot about change.  I am ever amazed at the lengths we go to establish stability, routine and predictability in our lives, while truly it is so very clear that nothing is permanent nor in our control. That in and of itself should be a freeing epiphany, and yet the struggle between order and chaos, between kind sensibilities and utter madness continues…

Perhaps it was selfish after all is said and done, but I brought in a girl to my home after a fairly good amount of time to know her.  Still, what stead can you put in this knowing, as it changes and we are always in a constant state of flux…  I’m sorry, but a young person cannot know their mind, nor can they control the immense and overwhelming wave of angst and passion that some random trigger will unleash…  for the ego will always step forth into the spotlight when given center stage…

How much can I give over to this new roommate…  this question I ask myself several times a day.  I recognize myself and my tendencies in her easily, and so it is with understanding and some degree of knowing that I offer up half of my house to her.  I took no money in this offering.  I love that part.  When you reduce people down to money, over and over again, you take away the best part of what makes us beautiful and human, one hundred percent.

And that is how I rectified the outlandish, garish, and completely unlikable piece of art that has once again entered my home and so the obsession continues…  arrrggghhhh….

Think it’s safe to say that most people grow up with conditioned characters based on whatever culture and attitudes prevail in the home.  When my father was transferred to the bigger city of Tyler and he began to build a house for us to live in there. I remember a lot of design talk going between him and my mother.  It would seem that the entry-way, or more accurately “door-way” of the front of the house carried great importance of some sort.

They spent a great deal of time deciding on this garrish gold-flocked damask design wallpaper for the “foyer” which was just a small hallway to the center of the house.  But mom acquired an antique wash-stand, to which they added a white marble top, and it was a nice piece for sure.  As you opened the front door, you would then see the little wooden piece of furniture from another time, now dutifully holding up its heavy chunk of marble, so the people could feel special, the purpose of all this still escapes me.  And yet this is the foundation of cultural design that I was first exposed to…  the imprint…

So back to present day, and last year before Christmas, when  Emily went back to the city, she left a “canvas” she made and painted, and she calls it “the Hand” I believe I heard her say, as I have now moved it twice to somehow silently voice my total opposition to the piece.  Emily refuses to paint on square canvas.  It must be some irregular shape.  And this one piece that makes me so crazy rises up from the small oddly shaped thing into a point or a tiny mountain or something she calls the hand.  It is painted bright sky blue with yellow stripes around the peak with white on top I believe.  I hate it.  But I’ve given up.  It’s back at the front door, you can’t help but see it just as soon as you walk into the house, it’s right there.

So today my lesson is flexibility.  It is more core understanding within myself.  Today is a time for more reflection on these things, the importance of accepting something possibly unpleasant, and learning to easily detach from anything personal about it.  Emily likes to throw rags and fabric over anything on shelves, or anything stored or pushed aside temporarily.  I secretly call it the “rag of shame.”  It’s as if something wasn’t finished properly or put away so it got covered up at least.  So we are thinking if we still can’t overcome the adverse feelings we get when confronted over and over at the front door with a piece of art that just won’t leave my reality, then so be it… I will bear down and deal with it, and I will try to laugh.  Whenever I feel especially unable to cope with this one piece of offending art, perhaps a rag thrown over will suffice…

But first I will have to meditate and find my center.  At 7 am, I am all kinds of contrary and would rather throw that thing to the moon, and crank up some music and let the front door remain open and windows open before the heat returns…

But instead I will bathe and pray since morning chores are done for now…  the ego is like a seething cauldron we keep covered up, properly dressed and groomed.  It screams for order and marble-topped wash-stands in a world of Salvador Dali-surreal painted canvases of primary colors and no possible connection to anything traditional in design at all…  haha

Good Morning Good People!


Crow Flying South

Tiny bird from Pakistan.

Tiny bird from Pakistan.

Sometimes our life’s purpose can take its highest course,

like a rag-tag herd of mustangs led by one dark horse…

A baby dolphin swimming, exploring a dangerous sea,

or a tiny gosling leaping from her ancient cedar tree.

Life without limits, imagined or real,

no fences, no boundaries, all’s good in this deal!

What is knowing fear?  Even strong boats strain under full sail.

Like a new mother hawk on her first morning hunt,

or a tiger cub playing with her father’s amazing tail.

Our heart is a magnet, our center and true.

It speaks from within, whether grey or bright blue…

One sister in time, with gossamer wings,

She laughs and sings and wears shiny things!

Evolving means to step beyond one door,

and open your eyes to things never dreamed of before!

To silence the mind’s idle chatter with peace.

All doubts and opinions forever cease.

Look up!  And see the beauty to be!

Just learn to listen, begin to see!

We are but one single note in life’s great symphony.

Reflections on getting old…

Finding great friends is like wading into a very deep pool, slowly…  Pretty soon people of like-minds always seem to come together.  I see it over and over again.  On one particular site, I connected with a wonderful girl.  She’s a mom, has a house, a family, a life… all of that.  One day on that site, she made remark asking did any other possibly “younger” people also have some ideas and insights upon the subjects we were tackling.  I laughed with her at this, but I also remember that feeling, when you think you’ve landed too deep into uncharted territory.  You want to reach out for the fresh perspective of hope.

She recently posted a video someone took of an old man in a nursing home, being reintroduced to the popular music of his day.  They said he’d been basically chronically  motionless but when they turned on the music, he came alive…  the greatest face and happy eyes emerged…

So she posted how much she did not look forward to becoming old like that.  Maybe I should have told her to enjoy her youth while she can.  Or forget it and just live on the edge – always take risks and live life to its fullest.  But instead, the following just came out of me, and I felt it was spontaneous and honest enough to put here.  P E A C E  !!!!!

“…Don’t be sad Carrie girl. He is okay with his path. It’s his, after all. I like to think of the rose, exquisite in bud, compelling in bloom, but you know what? We gotta embrace the whole enchilada — It’s just part of the deal we struck before we came here. One time I saw this lady had kept a box of roses given her so many years ago, and as we looked at them, even in their stillness, there was great beauty. I hope I can fade like a pretty rose. And the greatest truth I’ve come to know is that I don’t have to be sad without my true love, or my best music, or even totally alone. Even at my worst, even in the face of the most evil monster, I had this run. Somebody thought I was good enough and smart enough to let me into the game, for however brief it may feel at times… It has torn me down and torn me apart, but today I am still breathing, and I can still find good things to do. Maybe I can’t run real fast anymore, but I can still knock your hat off at 40 feet with a frisbee. lol maybe 50… Anyway, we choose our battles. It is sad to see people being isolated, forgotten, sorta lost in their old age. Have a plan my dear. A good one, AND a plan B. Keep it close to your heart and in alignment with your true dreams and your greatest bliss. We are blessed children of a High and Mighty God. It is our birthright to be happy. Love is a powerful tool that no one can diminish nor take away. Use it to the best of your abilities and your life will have great meaning. And that is all that matters. All.”


A bright spirit emerged into my life, and she did take my heart… when later I hugged her and gave her a pat, and like that! She was gone with my heart…

Floating, they were… but I could not see them.

For days it has rained.  No real sustained warmth from the sun in many days.  I went out this morning after a bad storm last night and took some random shots.  The cats were playing cautiously in the yard, and it wasn’t until I got back inside and examined the pictures, that I began to notice very obvious and clear orbs floating, some even moving, through some of the shots.  The one with the white cat is the best I have ever seen.  I don’t know what these are.


This one taken looking down is smaller but otherwise exactly like the big one.  You just can’t see the inner dark circle here.


I took many photos of the beautiful trees and in some places nothing was out of the ordinary, nothing at all.  But in the area right in front of my house, where I sit and where the animals play, where the water is, we had orbs.  And this one very large one, well, I just have no explanation whatsoever for it.  You can see through it, you can see the limbs of the stems behind it, and still you can see texture, definition, fractal sacred geometry in this thing!  And the nucleus circle, so strange.


Floating at random in this area near the little water feature I caught several of them.  Some can appear very bright and I think the extremely bright one could be moving since it is not completely circular like the others.


This is the beautiful place where the magic happens.


Go forth in peace my friends.  We are not alone.


Live the Life you Prefer

Channeling info re: dimensions:  Thursday morning, 11:16 am


Imagine the layers of the onion.  Yet this is only our tangible material 3-D version.  It is actually an energy field reaching out in a holographic effect perhaps like the spokes of a great wheel, same being repeated over and over again in ever increasing growth.  Such as it always shall be.

Like the petals of a new flower, life is repeated, then taken away.  But our vision is anchored in this earth plane of the senses so we harbor fears and aggression to ward off any vulnerability.   If you imagine the energy fields that exist all around you, and most astoundingly, within you as well, it is easy to grasp that the perceptions we hold so dear that become habits and opinions are merely the mechanisms of the mind being reflected around, and really nothing more.  In our deliberate scrambling, is it possible that we’ve missed the whole point?

If I could have a perfect world, what would it be?  Would I be forever caught in traffic in Glendale, Arizona?  Would I be an astronaut training for an in-space mission?  Would I be a builder/developer/contractor/designer who changes the lives of men and nurtures the earth?  Or would I be a silly old woman mending pants and boiling carrots on the stove…

The inside of a cave at first might seem stark.  I would imagine that if you spend enough time in there, the walls will begin to have depth and character and will transform during the changing light of day. Often I have made a mental note to remember a particular moment in time, freeze-framed to reflect on later.  Such as standing on the high precipice jutting out over a huge expanse of dry river bed and desert land as far as one can see, wild steers moving down a cow trail the size of specks…  The great deafening silence that was there.  It made my head want to implode!  I do not get out often to visit caves, but I wonder if you might encounter a similar silence inside a big cave.  I would think, yes.

Access to dimensions is a journey of the soul.  It is knowing that thing I call “spark” that can move about within you and without you.  If only we could lift up that anchor of conditioning that keeps us so grounded to our own private “realities.”  It would enable much more advanced and lightning fast growth and evolution, in a good way for a change!

In some strange way, my father is with me, yet in another dimension.  With intention, I can go outside to the meadow grass and look for rose moss and connect instantly with my mother, like a feeling of magnets to my heart, a connection is recognized, and thus, dimensions crossed.  It’s not that hocus-pocus nonsense about hearing voices so much, but it is a knowing.  They say there are different kinds of clairvoyants and they employ differing techniques to make observations and predictions, and one of them is just knowing.  It’s like when you know you got something right.  You just know.

The more I shed my onion layers, the more I let myself out of this “skin” I stay imprisoned in, the more goodness and mercy flows in.  I am the giant and I am human.  I am a living breathing human woman in 2015, and I am the grand-daughter of a great man, who lived many lives before he came to know me.  Like a dog that has nothing.  The dog that was female, lost without food or shelter, at the mercy of a urbanized north Texas prairie-land.  Her soul is worth loving, worth getting to know.  Like any relationship, if given proper attention, will grow.  If given proper awareness and caring, can transform both man and animal.

The dimensions of air and light.  And sound and heat.  Imagine the Twilight Zone and you are there! With all this in mind, there must be great reason for our spark to be walking this earth plane in this vessel. Namaste’ my beautiful brothers and sisters!  We are together. The dimensions connect too. What you find inside, where you go during meditation is connected directly to the dimensions outward.  To go further outward, you must be able to go further inward.  It’s how you learn.

Like the beautiful ripple in the water of the lake, we are but a tiny bird come to the edge to drink, and we are the mighty black rhinoceros who has left the earth forever, where water is no longer necessary. In another dimension, the two ton loving mother is again happy and free to live out her destiny, to run and to see and to love.  She has no regrets for this life left behind.  It is life.  It is the way.


There is much that my heart wants.  And much that I seek to create.  But every moment is its own.  We cannot mold time and desire together.  We are not wizards.  To be accepting of some things, to embrace the outer chaos with more compassion, one must accept the inner chaos as well, one causing the other. At best times, we can let down our desires, shake off our preconceived notions, and sit in the presence of listening for that silence that runs so deep and so far, for it is still there; it is the dimension of sound, sight and mind.  It is the Twilight Zone.

But today this is central Texas on a bright spring afternoon.  My feet are bare and my head is covered. The earth around me has come alive with greenery and I can hear crows overhead calling out to each other as they fly from tree to tree.  I know not what this day shall bring, and judging from what just happened, well, we won’t go there…  the past is always the past — passed!  No need to howl and cry like the wolf puppy at my garden gate who mourns the return of his master.  This moment in time is real. My spark is too.  It is exciting to think that I am not eternally confined to this physicality, but rather have an infinite array of spiritual possibilities to look forward to, and no longer will the idea of dimensions seem so strange. The energies that we choose to embrace will fill our hearts and our yards as sure as the ocean pours back onto the beaches.  Resonate with the good in all things and detach from any other. Access the inner realms of calm that you know are there.  And from that point, ever deeper, you can know the freedom and the true connection to Source that we came from, and through practice, can lead us out and beyond when time comes.

That would seem to be the natural way.  But for now, I will give honor to all creatures, all peoples, all things.  As the little bird chirp, chirp, chirps away, I will now set down my pen, walk outside to water my herbs and vegetables.  Plants enjoy one of the very best dimensions and it is there I find the greatest peace.  I prefer to live in that dimension.  One of peace.


Homeless Documentary

I’ve had the distinct pleasure of discovering a rare and noteworthy talent, a true artist with the image. Clearly she has vision but it transcends past even her words to give you the true feeling of being there, and of seeing something she thought was important to see. I’m pretty sure we will be seeing lots more of Shannon Lynn! From Austin, Texas, of course…

Shannyn Lynn Images

I am starting to do a homeless documentary with two girls in Austin Texas. This is the first shoot, however these are stills. The documentary will be a video of various homeless people and squatters around Austin. This guy will most likely be out main focus. He has been homeless in Austin for 18 years, and actually loves his life the way it is. He has some homeless buddies that we will be meeting very soon. He is a homeless musician, and carries his electric guitar around with him with hundreds of sticker stars on it. He has a small green honey tone amp that he uses to play his guitar. He is a very interesting guy, and very nice also. We will be doing a lot more documentation with him in the near future. 

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Considering Crows

This man is from Friesland, and I have known him for more years than I remember now. He is so private, I do not even know his last name. I know him best by the name of Tench, the healing fish, his moniker once. I think he is a genius, a true artist on so many levels, he doesn’t just shoot amazing pics, he’s a great musician as well. He was also a sailor. But he’s so modest, he would down-play it all. He’s a really great man and I am happy to call him my friend. I hope you enjoy his brilliant work. These are some of my favorites.

a heartical view

Crows are everywhere, they seem to be present in all habitats…on the marsh, in the forest, heathland, farmland, in the town centre and of course in my street and garden.

I regularly witness crows attacking raptors like buzzards and sparrowhawks, either chasing them off or stealing their recently caught prey. In turn the crows are not too popular with smaller birds…so their visits to my garden are generally short and opportunistic in nature.

Early mornings on a weekend I’ve seen them in the town centre clearing up the mess from the previous nights’ festivities alongside several species of seagulls.

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This entry was posted on October 16, 2014. 1 Comment